What Now?

My psychology professor left us with one final nugget of knowledge.

"The more self expression, the more ways you find to express yourself, the better off you'll be psychologically, she told us, her blue eyes darkened with conviction.

According to the good professor, whether it be through art, carpentry, cooking, gardening, sculpting our body through exercise, singing, playing an instrument, writing, or whatever...it's all helpful and healing.

I'd been writing one or two papers per week for this class. No matter the subject, it felt like I was coming alive, it was good to be able to see my own words and thoughts printed on paper. I knew for sure that I wanted to do more of that. The summer semester was ending, but I was hungry for more. I took two additional classes that challenged me and I continued to make good grades. Then I ran out of money. I applied for a student loan, which got approved, and was just faxing the last of the paperwork to the appropriate office on my husband's fax machine that sat on his desk. When fully aware of what I was doing, he chose to take issue with my being in debt to the government. I had never even thought to ask for his approval, thinking an education was an inarguable necessary expense. I'd never intended for the loan to be his bill or concern. A lengthy discussion ensued, followed by my backing down.

I went through a week or more of discouragement and mild depression. If I wasn't headed towards an educational or career goal, then where was I headed? I didn't like being adrift. By now, after a health scare, I wanted to do more than just make a living, I wanted to make a difference. But how?